I belong to a cult.

Use your Imagination. Apple does not allow use of their icon.

Of the technical variety.

My first computer, bought thirty years ago, was a Mac.  Since then I’ve loyally trudged through Mac-Land. I now own a MacBookPro. And, an iPod, iPod Touch, iPad, and, after next week, an iPhone. Except for my son-in-law, I’ve successfully converted my family from PC’s to Apple products. He’s a lawyer. He’s a holdout. It will happen.

If you are technically challenged, and, I am, the learning curve, with each new product, is Mt. Everest. That’s why I belong to Apple’s One-on-One program. For $99 a year, I can take a weekly private lesson to get set up, get trained, and get going on each new Mac device. Admittedly, there are some why’s and wherefore’s to this program, but, let’s just say, I have tenure.

The Apple employee/tutors in this program are amazing, patient, kind and young. How can they be so computer literate at 12 years of age? Which brings me to Troy, a One-on-One tutor at my local Apple store, and the reason for this Post.

During the last presidential election, we were both involved in the campaign. “Fired Up” would be an understatement. I’ve always been a political animal, but this was a new and exciting world for Troy. Being engaged in the democratic process lends importance to being an American and Troy, for the first time, felt it.

Fast forward to three years later.

Following a recent One-on-One session, referring to politics, I asked him, “What do you think?”

In a flash, he responded, “I think I don’t make a difference.”

Subject closed.

His response has haunted me. He’s too young, too smart and too vital to this country’s future to think he doesn’t matter.

His response also begs the question, for me at least, about making a difference. Do I?  Beginning in 2011 and continuing for the next 18 years, between 7,000 to 8,000 Americans will be turning 65 years of age every single day. We’re in the fourth quarter. So it occurs to me, many Baby Boomers will be asking themselves that very same, legitimate question.

This past week I have had time to ponder this. My husband Michael, who lives in a nearby memory care facility and is under Hospice care, developed Shingles. Not good. Luckily, I had been vaccinated, could ignore the quarantine, sit by his bedside as he slept, and conduct a one-way conversation with myself (if you know me, that’s not all bad).

I liked my answers. Does Relevance still live at my house? Yes.  Do I make a difference? You bet. The difference in my now-differences as compared to my past-differences is the key (one more time) difference.

In the past I’ve made a difference not only to my family but also to my students, my employees, board members, and everyone dependent upon me for one reason or another. My students needed a class grade to graduate. As an editor of a small newspaper, operating on a barebones budget, I hired young reporters and trained them well before kicking them up to better reporting opportunities. On charity and nonprofit boards, I organized  fundraisers. Girl Scouts? Leader and Cookie Mother. Perpetual Room Mother – cupcakes for every occasion. Sunday School teacher.  The list goes on and on. I am no different from millions of others heading into retirement.  Like so many, I think I saw myself as more important than I ever was.

As for now, my universe for making a difference and being relevant is smaller but is, and this is my premise to all of you, just as necessary. It may be even more important to you women, like me, who live alone by choice, death, divorce, or health reasons.

First, I am fortunate to have many communities of friends. To every extent, they make a difference to me and I, to them. Friendships must be nourished and treasured, there’s joy and value in each one. Second, while sadly I don’t make a difference to Michael anymore, he does not remember our life together, I make a huge difference to the professionals who care for him. Every patient needs a ferocious advocate and I am his. Ironically, his caregivers appreciate that.

Lastly and what struck me as surprising, is how important I feel I am to my family. Besides loving me, which they do, they make me feel necessary and important and relevant.  America is not a country that has ever valued older people. I suggest to you that phenomenon is changing and it’s this Sandwich Generation*, our kids, who are making this occur. So now, I believe, it’s up to us. It’s how WE handle this attitudinal change that will make the difference in our lives and theirs.

Please understand, my children are smart, capable, self-sufficient and very good parents.They both work and are successful. And, more often than not, a helping hand needs to be extended my way rather than theirs. I’ve concluded their lives, albeit happy, are far more complicated, difficult and challenging than mine ever was. That’s why sometimes my role is to listen, not my greatest virtue, offering unconditional support. More often, because I’m able to see the forest, I can suggest a quick-fix. Done. At times, I anticipate bumps and can smooth them out. Many a moment, it’s just the, “Hang on, this, too, shall pass,” advice that they have to hear.

We all need to feel valued rather than tolerated, appreciated and respected rather than ignored. For Baby Boomers, life has been all about goals, accomplishments and providing not just good but better and best for our loved ones. To slow down our train is difficult, to climb off, even harder. That’s why, as we step aside and Life continues barreling down the track,  we each need to ask ourselves these questions, find our niche and honor who we are.

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* The Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting their own children.

• Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
• Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.
• Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care