Is the Tassel Really Worth the Hassel?

In my early twenties, I already had a clear vision of life ahead. I saw my Path:  a decade or so in the newspaper world, honing my skills, breaking stories, beating deadlines.

Then, loaded with my arsenal of street smarts, I’d return to graduate school, earn a doctorate, and finish my professional life at a university,  teaching and writing. Along the way, marriage, 2 or 3 kids, an ivy-laden brick house with a front porch. Being an Iowa girl, I’d probably remain in the Midwest.

The reality of the past 40 years nibbled at those dreams but took many unwielding twists and turns. I was a journalist and did some college teaching but my only graduate degree was a Master’s. Leaving a doctorate on the table has been my biggest professional disappointment and I’ve wallowed in that failure. (Mary, get over yourself.) No books……….yet. Still on the backburner. Roiling.

Marriage was soon followed by the ongoing joy of two daughters. I pulled up my Iowa roots and we headed west twenty-five years ago. Now, here’s the unbelievable part. Never in a million years did I envision, at this point in my life, living in the Mojave Desert with not a corn stalk in sight, in a gated community, with a visual of the Las Vegas Strip!  The odds of that were slight to none.

Not that I am complaining.  Moving to Nevada seven years ago made good sense and was an excellent destination choice. It’s just that sometimes even I have difficulty getting my arms around where I hang my cap. (Frankly, Las Vegas gets a bad rap but we will leave that for another Post.)

Why am I even writing about this?

The past few months many of my friends have retired, it’s the age for that, so we’ve had many dinner-discussions about our realized life versus our youthful external vision of it.  To a person, no one has walked their original path of choice.  Most, however, agree that their realized life has forced them to push boundaries while encountering experiences unforeseen in their 20s. Vietnam. The Civil Rights and Feminist Movement. Computers, technological wizardry, and the Social Media. The cup running over with American economic prowess and well-being.

Most expressed satisfaction, congratulating themselves and others, on jobs well done. For the most part, we’ve been happy.  And, yes, there have been many ,”Ahhhhh, we were so young and naive,” moments.

May and June have also been a time for college commencement addresses. Delivered to graduates by supposedly accomplished speakers, the speeches are laden with motivational quips, practical life advice and, “the tassel’s worth the hassle” moments. These are the kids who, 40 years into their future, can have their own discussions about the realized life versus their present vision if it.

And, while they, too, will encounter experiences presently unforeseen, the Class of 2011 has already been whacked over the head, suffering a reality check of our making. Fewer jobs. World-wide financial mayhem. Two seemingly unending wars. Crumbling infrastructures. Public education chaos. The list goes on and on.

Many speakers alluded to our present-day turmoil.  “Be open to possibilities,” chided television journalist Mary Richardson. “And finally remember if you are terrified that you’ll never get a job and will be living at home when you’re 35, remember your parents are even more terrified by that possibility.”

“You’ve got to be all in,” stressed Samantha Power of the National Security Council.

Samantha Power, National Security Council (AP Photo/Random House, Maria Krovatin)

I loved the comment of Steve Ballmer, Microsoft’s CEO. “People think passion is something you either have or you don’t. People think passion is something that has to manifest itself in some kind of explosive and emotional format. It’s not. It’s the thing that you find in life that you can care about, that you can cling to, that you can invest yourself in, heart, body and soul.  Finding passion is kind of your job now.”

A Passionate Steve Ballmer, CEO, Microsoft (tgdaily)

My vote for the best Address this year goes, hands down, to writer Anna Quindlen who spoke to the graduating class at Grinnell College. Here are a few nuggets but I urge you to read her entire speech.

http://www.grinnell.edu/offices/confops/commencement/quindlen

Pulitzer Prize writer Anna Quindlen (the bellforum.com)

 —–“Believe me when I tell you that we made a grave error in thinking doing better is mathematical, a matter of the number at the bottom of your tax return. At the end of their lives, all people assess how they’ve done, not it terms of their income, but in terms of their spirit, and I beg you to do the same even if those who came before sometimes failed to do so.”

 —– “The voices of conformity speak so loudly. Don’t listen to them. People are going to tell you what you ought to think and how you ought to feel. They will tell you what to read and how to live. They will urge you to take jobs they loathe themselves and to follow safe paths that they themselves find tedious. Don’t do it.”

 —–“Our political atmosphere has been so dispiriting because so many of our leaders are leaders in name only. They’re terrorized by polls and focus groups, by the need to be all things to all people, which means they wind up being nothing at all. They’re afraid, to be bold, to be decisive, to be inventive. If they were, they might lose. As it is, they have often lost their way.”

 —–”Too often our public discourse fears real engagement. It pitches itself at the lowest possible level, always preaching to the choir so that no one will be angry, which usually means that no one will be interested. What is the point of free speech if we’re always afraid to speak freely?”

 —–”Not long ago I asked a professor of religion what she did to suit the comfort level of the diverse group of students in her class. “It is not my job to make people comfortable,” she replied. “It is my job to educate them.” I almost stood up and cheered. If we fear competing viewpoints, if we fail to state the unpopular, or to allow the unpopular or even the unacceptable to be heard because some sense of plain vanilla civility, it’s not civility at all. It’s the denigration of human capacity for thought, the suggestion that we are fragile flowers incapable of disagreement, argument, or civil intellectual combat. Open your mouths. Speak your piece. Fear not.”

 My Kudos to the Graduating Class and the Retiring Class of 2011.